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meeting the og mom

On Monday, Rodney and I were both off from work. So, when we got the call about a same day meeting with the birth mom, we rushed to make that happen. My husband was calm, cool and collected - like always. I was a ball of nerves and a hot mess. I swear, I felt like I was going to vomit like 6 different times before we got to the right floor of the hospital. 

As we stood out in the hallway waiting for the social worker to give us the green light to go in, tears welled up in my eyes. So much anticipation. So much fear. So much unknown.

We walked in and there stood Olivia holding the sweet, unnamed baby boy. She smiled at us, but I could tell she had been emotional. Within minutes of us entering the room, Olivia asked our caseworker and the social worker to step out of the room so she could speak to us 1:1. I don't know what I expected, but it wasn't that right off the bat. Oh god. What was about to happen?

She asked questions. About having an open adoption. About whether we had a name picked out for him... which we did. She gasped and said "Oh my god... my other 4 boys all have M-names!" She liked the name and that felt good. She then asked if his club foot was a concern to which I shared, "Well, no... because I have one too". I hadn't shared that with the agency or written it anywhere in our bio. As the universe would have it, this baby boy was born with a club foot - which is something I obviously have experience with. She shared that there had been a twin (a girl), but she did not survive delivery. 

After a few more questions and commenting about how the baby looks like he could be biologically ours, I cracked a joke about not pursuing a blond hair/blue eyed child for fear my husband would get stopped and asked if he was in the big brother big sister program. She laughed a bit and it lightened the mood if just for a moment.

She asked if we would be okay if she stepped out for a few min to get out of the room. We said okay - and she dipped out. A nurse came in a short time later saying that we were not yet supposed to be left alone with the child since we were not his guardian or parent yet. The birth mom ended up not returning to the room or saying goodbye to us - simply because she was so emotional and could not hold it together.

I cannot even imagine the emotions this girl is feeling. She lost her only girl at birth... and she is giving the boy up for adoption. I could tell she was conflicted between loving the child and wanting to keep him, but knowing, based on her current situation, allowing us to adopt him was the best thing she could do. 

I walked away feeling like we had a good first meeting. However, it was unclear if she liked us enough to trust us with raising her child. 

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