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holy crap! i'm a mom!

This week has truly been a whirlwind! Last Friday, when we chilled together in our loft, we had no idea that our world was about to be turned upside down in the best possible way.

Today was the day we became baby boy's legal guardians. I am a mom. Rodney is a dad. Holy crappppp!

We got a call a few hours before we were scheduled to be at the hospital for all of the legal document signing. Our caseworker shared that baby boy had been moved to NICU due to withdrawal, irritability and not eating as much as he should be. In addition, he had been holding his own and not requiring medication - but that ended today. Not only did he get a tube put in for feeding, but they also started him on morphine to ween him off of the withdrawal. I decided immediately that I would stay overnight with him to spend extra time and ensure we started to create a bond. 

I was an emotional basket case all day. Literally everything was making me cry. My poor husband would look over, wonder what happened and then just open his arms to hold me. Have I mentioned that I am married to the most amazing man? And just when I thought I could not love him more... I see him with baby boy and oh my god. I cannot even describe the fullness in my heart.

We arrived at the hospital around 1:30 and headed to the cafeteria to get a quick bite before our scheduled meeting at 2pm. Our caseworker arrived and we signed off on several documents for her. Then we headed up with the social worker to take care of some hospital administration items. I thought we would be crossing paths with birth mom and her parents, but we did not. I was provided the grandparents contact numbers and was told birth mom would be up to the NICU with the baby shortly. 

Rodney and I got to the NICU floor. I only knew what I'd seen on TV, but walking down the hall with all of these babies... I just felt sad that our new baby boy was up here too. We arrived to the room and "dad" was the first to snag baby boy. He looks so natural with a baby in his arms and baby boy is definitely taking a liking to him! 

Birth mom came up a short time later. Because of hospital policy, they allowed 3 of us in the room today, but going forward, only 2 people at a given time. For this reason, we offered a scheduled block for birth mom to come visit baby boy each day until he is out of the NICU. She asked if she could feed him and, of course, I obliged. There were gift bags in the room when we arrived and she asked if we opened them. In the flurry of visits from nurses, doctors and catching up with baby boy, I hadn't. But when she asked a 2nd time, I did open them. Inside were adorable onesies, the softest dinosaur mat for tummy time and a few other items. I thanked her and told her she was very thoughtful. And while I knew this was such a hard day for her, I thanked her for trusting us and giving us the opportunity to parent this precious baby boy. I reiterated again that we will stay connected - even through her parents during the time when she cannot have contact from her facility - and that she will remain a part of the baby's life as his OG mom. She smiled through her tears. I told her she was stronger than she realized and even though we don't know each other well, I can see how much she loves this baby... enough to give him the best life possible... even if it's not with her.

I'm currently sitting in the NICU. I wish Rodney was here with me, but he needed to get back home to Maximus and get some rest for work tomorrow. I have no idea how I am going to work or function tomorrow... well, today. It's 4:30 in the morning and I'm still awake. I am getting good practice of Eat, Sleep, Console - which is recommended for babies who have withdrawals. He has been taking bottles like a champ (even looking for snacks in between the 3-hour feedings), so I feel like the morphine is making him more comfortable to be able to eat normally vs the feeding tube. Small win, but I will take it.

Malachi. You are so precious. You are so loved. You have the whole world ahead of you and we cannot wait to see you blossom! Thank you for making us parents - we have waited so long for you and, well, let's get you out of this NICU and home to us stat!!!

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